The ego has landed (down the toilet)

This time last year I collected my last pay packet. I hadn't done any actual work since sloping off to have Daughter over a year before but up until then I still, technically, had a career. A career I had no shame in mentioning if pushed to describe 'what I do'.

In the year that's passed I've adjusted to having less money, I've adjusted to being at home all day with the children (just). I've welcomed the reduction in time spent talking to half-wit colleagues and bosses and jumped at the chance of reducing my guilt at leaving the children. What I haven't quite adjusted to is the loss of my ego, or at least the loss of anyone stroking it.

There was a time when I was bitter about stay at home mum's getting no thanks... but then I considered how many times I 'thank' Husband for going to work and got over it.

What I really miss is being good at something. I don't really ever get to feel like a great mum because there's always something more, better, bigger I could do and unlike the workplace, where I could shine up against all those inferior half-wits, everyone else's mum always seems better than I am.

It would probably help if I fell really strongly into the 'stay at home' camp. I don't though. I worked when Son was little and don't believe it did him any harm. It is plain for all to see that nature (in the form of my mutant genes) and not nurture will be his undoing! I've always been at home with Daughter and she's gorgeous... but I don't think I've done any better than a good nanny could have done, and at many times I've probably been a whole lot worse.

So, when I look back on the year that's passed I think it's been the right decision to stay at home. I think it was right to let go of the money before I got too trapped - I worked in a bank! I just think I probably need to put some work into doing something for a little bit of external recognition. Some pocket money wouldn't go amiss too, I've got a serious book buying habit to support.